Office of Steam Forum for Model & Toy Steam Gas & Hot Air Engines

I've lived all of those ..... so far!    ;c)

You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go home and Prepare Thyself.

Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.

Elevators smell different to midgets.

Paranoids are people, too: they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid also.

I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.

"I am an old man now. I've seen a lot of trouble. Most of it never happened."

Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.

Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.

"All flesh is grass"
            --Isiah
Smoke a friend today.

Conscience is the thing that hurts when everything else feels so good.

Gravity is a myth: the earth sucks!

I may be fat but you're ugly and I can always go on a diet!

Save energy - be apathetic.

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut!

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Genius may have its' limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.

Time flies like an arrow,
Fruit flies like a banana.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.

Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its' head off.

"Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"

November: the eleventh twelfth of a weariness.

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have.

Since we're all here, we must not be all there.

Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity
   Sample: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
1) Horses have an even number of legs.
2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
3) This makes a total of six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse.
4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
Topics to be covered in the future include proof by:
   Intimidation
   Gesticulation (handwaving)
   "Try it, it works"
   Constipation (I was just sitting there and...)
   Blatant assertion
   Changing all the 2's to n's
   Mutual consent
   Lack of a counterexample, and
   "It stands to reason"

"Gee, Mudhead, everyone at Morse Science High has n extracurricular activity except you."
"Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?"
"Only to ten, Mudhead."
             ---Firesign Theater

Is our worst problem ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.

The three laws of thermodynamics:
  The First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.
  The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
  The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.

This is the story of the bee
Whose sex is very hard to see
You can't tell the he from the she
But she can tell, and so can he
The little bee is never still
She has no time to take the pill,
And that is why, in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.

Assumption is the mother of all screwups!

                    HOPE YOU GOT A LAUGH OR TWO OUT OF THESE
 
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