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Early 80's computer startup humor
Posted by
jkbixby
on 12 Aug, 2025 08:50
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Back in the early 1980's we started using engineering software from MiTek to help design roof and floor systems. Back then we shut everything down every night so had to restart the system in the morning. First thing up on the screen was a funny saying many of which I thought were keepers. I know most of them have been around the block a few times but thought I'd share a few a day for a while and hope you get a laugh out of them too.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Romeo: Courage, man, the hurt cannot be much.
Mercutio: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a churchdoor: but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Alone: In bad company.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
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#1 Reply
Posted by
Stoker
on 12 Aug, 2025 10:26
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I've lived all of those ..... so far! ;c)
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#2 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 13 Aug, 2025 08:23
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If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on fire.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Anything is good if it's made out of chocolate.
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
--Pogo
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#3 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 14 Aug, 2025 08:13
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You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go home and Prepare Thyself.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Elevators smell different to midgets.
Paranoids are people, too: they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid also.
I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want
But only what I tell it.
"I am an old man now. I've seen a lot of trouble. Most of it never happened."
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#4 Reply
Posted by
txlabman
on 14 Aug, 2025 10:58
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Inspirational!
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#5 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 15 Aug, 2025 05:33
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Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
"All flesh is grass"
--Isiah
Smoke a friend today.
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Any quality OS will have the program 'fortune' which is probably where the code and data or at least the inspiration for these log-in screen quotes.
doug@godzilla ~ $ fortune -s
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
doug@godzilla ~ $ fortune -s
A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke.
-- Kipling
doug@godzilla ~ $ fortune -s
Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity.
-- Ebner-Eschenbach
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#7 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 16 Aug, 2025 10:59
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Conscience is the thing that hurts when everything else feels so good.
Gravity is a myth: the earth sucks!
I may be fat but you're ugly and I can always go on a diet!
Save energy - be apathetic.
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
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#8 Reply
Posted by
Stoker
on 16 Aug, 2025 13:06
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All true in my world view!!! ;c)
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#9 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 17 Aug, 2025 06:42
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When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut!
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Genius may have its' limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
Time flies like an arrow,
Fruit flies like a banana.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
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#10 Reply
Posted by
Stoker
on 17 Aug, 2025 08:35
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EXCELLENT!!!
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#11 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 18 Aug, 2025 08:30
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The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?
A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its' head off.
"Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"
November: the eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have.
Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity
Sample: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
1) Horses have an even number of legs.
2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
3) This makes a total of six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse.
4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
Topics to be covered in the future include proof by:
Intimidation
Gesticulation (handwaving)
"Try it, it works"
Constipation (I was just sitting there and...)
Blatant assertion
Changing all the 2's to n's
Mutual consent
Lack of a counterexample, and
"It stands to reason"
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#12 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 19 Aug, 2025 07:46
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Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
--Mark Twain
Darth Vader sleeps with a Tedywookie.
Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill! Was she pretty?
W.C.: Well,her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth,
Don, she used to have to sleep with her head in a safe. She died in Bolivia.
Don: Oh, Bill, it must be hard to lose a relative.
W.C.: It's almost impossible.
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
How do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go got up and went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
And think of all the places my get-up has been.
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#13 Reply
Posted by
jkbixby
on 20 Aug, 2025 13:20
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"Gee, Mudhead, everyone at Morse Science High has n extracurricular activity except you."
"Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?"
"Only to ten, Mudhead."
---Firesign Theater
Is our worst problem ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
The three laws of thermodynamics:
The First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.
The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.
This is the story of the bee
Whose sex is very hard to see
You can't tell the he from the she
But she can tell, and so can he
The little bee is never still
She has no time to take the pill,
And that is why, in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.
Assumption is the mother of all screwups!
HOPE YOU GOT A LAUGH OR TWO OUT OF THESE
------THE END------
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#14 Reply
Posted by
Stoker
on 20 Aug, 2025 15:25
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How do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go got up and went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
And think of all the places my get-up has been.
I remember this one from the "Very Long Ago" and now realize that I really do have a whole lot to grin about!!! ;c)
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