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Author Topic: Some humour from around the World  (Read 818330 times)

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1110 on: June 23, 2026, 06:52:52 pm »
Three pregnant women are in the waiting room waiting for their first ultrasound...

Brunette: "I know I'm going to have a boy, because my husband was on top."

Redhead: "I know it's gonna be a girl 'cause I was on top."

Blonde: "Oh no, I'm having puppies..."
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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1111 on: June 24, 2026, 05:33:22 pm »
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Jim

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1112 on: June 24, 2026, 05:33:36 pm »
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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1113 on: June 24, 2026, 05:33:50 pm »
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Jim

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1114 on: June 24, 2026, 06:43:31 pm »
Wow .... now those last two make a series that would be tough to follow!!!
"Information is not knowledge, Knowledge is not wisdom, Wisdom is not truth, Truth is not beauty, Beauty is not love, Love is not music: Music is THE BEST...   
Wisdom is the domain of the Wis (which is extinct). Beauty is a French phonetic corruption of a short cloth neck ornament currently in resurgence..."
F. Zappa ... by way of Mary, the girl from the bus.

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1115 on: June 25, 2026, 05:02:58 pm »
A man walks into his local with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
"I'll have a bacon and egg roll and a flat white." "Same for me," says the emu.
"That'll be $12.50 please."
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change.
The next day they're back. "I'll have smashed avo on toast and a flat white." "Same for me," says the emu. Again, exact change from his pocket.
This becomes a routine until one Friday night the waitress asks "The usual?" "No, I'll have chips and a schooner of beer." "Same for me," says the emu. The bill comes to $38.40 and yet again exact change.
The waitress can't hold back any longer. "How do you always have the exact change in your pocket?"
"Several years ago I found an old lamp. A genie appeared and granted me two wishes. My first wish was that whenever I needed to pay for anything, the exact money would always be in my pocket."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Whether it's a meat pie at the servo or a brand-new ute, the exact money is always there."
"But sir what's with the emu?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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Jim

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1116 on: June 28, 2026, 06:32:48 pm »
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Jim

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1117 on: June 28, 2026, 06:33:32 pm »
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Jim

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1118 on: June 28, 2026, 07:53:56 pm »
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Jim

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1119 on: June 28, 2026, 08:02:28 pm »
That might just keep unwanted intrusions by the neighbors, census workers and salespeople out of your yard and way from your door!!!   ;c)
"Information is not knowledge, Knowledge is not wisdom, Wisdom is not truth, Truth is not beauty, Beauty is not love, Love is not music: Music is THE BEST...   
Wisdom is the domain of the Wis (which is extinct). Beauty is a French phonetic corruption of a short cloth neck ornament currently in resurgence..."
F. Zappa ... by way of Mary, the girl from the bus.

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1120 on: July 04, 2026, 07:43:44 pm »
My cordless drill from Temu arrived

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1121 on: July 11, 2026, 10:29:52 pm »
Don't come out of the pub drunk

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Re: Some humour from around the World
« Reply #1122 on: July 12, 2026, 05:47:33 pm »
During the 2008 financial crisis, a city corporate bloke got the sack and decided to give road work a crack.
The local council hired him to paint the white line down the middle of a long country road.
The foreman said, "Easy as, mate. Paint at least 4 km a day and you'll keep your job."
On the first day, the bloke absolutely smashed it, painting 8 km of perfectly straight lines. The foreman was surprised.
"Crikey, mate! You're an absolute legend!"
On the second day, he slowed down a bit but still knocked out 4 km.
"Still good," thought the foreman.
By the third day, he only managed 2 km. The foreman thought he was just having an off day.
Then came day four. The bloke barely scraped together 1 km.
Now the foreman was completely baffled.
"Mate, what gives? You started off like an absolute gun. Why are you getting slower every day?"
The city corporate bloke wiped the sweat from his forehead and said,
"Well, duh!... I'm getting farther and farther away from the paint bucket!"

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At least he didn't paint himself down a dead end. The foreman might wonder where he disappeared to.
Give us this day our daily Steam
And deliver us from Diesels
          Bret

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At least he didn't paint himself down a dead end. The foreman might wonder where he disappeared to.

:)
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Jim

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